Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) g

 

PM Scomite has thrown off any pretence after his recent national prayer tour that he’s actually a nice guy.  Reverting to type he’s called for poor people to be indentured to farmers for life, benighted souls on everyone’s favourite hell holes to be left there interminably without medical assistance or hope, and gay teachers to be consigned to a living hell, equivalent to being strapped to a loudspeaker at a Hillsong event.  

As the East Sydney quest for a new Emir approaches its denouement all the signs are pointing south for the junta, but several trough divers close to the PM are suggesting a move north.

In exciting news the country rump of the junta has revealed its youth wing has been out partying with bare knuckle fights, nude wrestling warthogs and downing pints whilst singing the Horst Wessel song backwards.  It’s been a revelation to many that young rural folk are demonstrating such a learned grasp of twentieth century political history, and a determination to put things right on several fronts including the national salute, why Eichmann was tried for managing camps that didn’t exist and what to do about all those pesky Jews.  

Good ole boys from the back blocks have always had a hankering for a return to the days of the ‘League’ and the fine tactic of ‘entryism’ to get rid of the burden of voting, multiple parties and democracy itself. Watch this space…

Breaking World News (summary):

In breaking news Grabber-in-Chief says no oil well will be left untapped in the search for the missing Saudi journalist thought to be turning slowly on a roasting spit in Riyadh.  The search is relentless as Saudi officials can no longer expect courtesy mints on their pillow in Grabber hotels.

In other news Prince Waldemoat and his new missus are pregnant, providing the British public with another free loader for life.  The Australian public are past excitement into a whole new realm of virtual Royals watching 24/7.  The sponsors are ecstatic…

China is putting its footballers through their paces at special ops training camps; in case something untoward breaks out while they're playing offshore.  “It’s to enhance their commitment to world peace”, explained a spokesperson, “in case of a red card they’ll know what to do”.