Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) e
In breaking news PM Scomite has
upbraided his fellow citizens to stop their self-flagellation and get on with
celebrating everything light pink on Australia day. ‘We’re a country where all your gains have
been bequeathed by Monarchs during their reign, backed up by big Daddy in
heaven”, crowed Scomite, “it’s wealthy light pink folk like me and Rup who have
forged this country into a second rate land of leaners, fixers and dodgy deals,
beholden to others, afraid of brown people on boats and where paying your tax
and value adding is for fools”.
Scomite
has announced a new day to celebrate everyone else…. In a stupid country, we
let ourselves be bullied and fooled by people unfit to rule, but celebrate the
Australian way….
In other news the ABC honcho is no
more. She tripped on the stairs on the
way to the office, and is now on life support.
Mortified she is, barely able to speak; she is hunkered down in a
hospice for retiring CEOs with her abacus.
Rumours circulate, the Board is mute, and Scomite seemed to know but is
busy with his commute. Planes and trucks and automobiles and fitting sessions
for ultra large work safe gear fill his day but the fate of the lost CEO barely
raises an eyebrow. “It’s the Board’s job
and they do it for a living…we just appoint the guys we like and leave it to
them to do the killing”.
New stories have emerged of elder
folk being abused for cash. Their
relatives pay, too much they say, but at the end of the day, their old folk are
just ancient kiddies anyway, with nothing to say. You can slap them and kick
them and pull them every which way, until they bleed and pee themselves in the
cutest way. It’s another poster for
Australia Day.
They say how you treat your weakest is the measure of a
nation…we barely trouble the scorer when it comes to the disabled and aged but
we love our footy, a bet and some smug bastard lying to us routinely about celebrating
our achievements “sensitively, respectfully, proudly, together.”
Breaking World News (summary)
Grabber-in-Chief continues to laud
the salacious stories emerging of his nominee for judge supremo. Matt Savanah has claimed ‘virginity’ as
defence against claims of rapacious activities.
“I was innocent as a lamb in those days”, tweeted the Judge, “it was hard
to remember through the tequila fog but I do remember something about a dog. What
happened in Maryland…got
talked about a lot in Yale”.
British PM Foxweather May is
struggling with calls for an end to her days. Numbers are tight and the band is
on song; the comatose parrot of Brexit refuses to move and the Irish are
humming a wishful tune…
The Grabber’s Attorney-General is on
the skids, refusing to break laws at his boss’s whim. “I made that guy the attorney honcho”,
tweeted the Grabber, “and he’s been a complete flopper…his deputy is no better…I’ll
have to take them to the chopper.”
