Other News Yesterday - Installment 2(iii) Special "Island hellholes" edition
In breaking news it seems sick people
on everyone’s favourite island hellholes are getting no free kicks from PM
Scomite or Minister for Gratuitous Cruelty Dutto. In keeping with earlier forays into the cauldron
of human rights Nauru
has indicated it will block medical transfers for people at risk from Scomite-Dutto
syndrome, which it turns out, can be fatal.
Any fortunate enough to escape these island hellholes will be
transferred to another island hellhole owned by the junta in a delightful twist
of the Catch 22 conundrum designed by the ‘covfefe’ of asylum seeker torturers,
Nick Pizzantine. Plaudits are flowing
from international human rights and law agencies
in response to the brilliant plan cooked up last night over a hot hook up
between culpable parties. It augurs well
for nominations to the annual awards for unadulterated bastardry to people
caught up in shitty situations escaping by boat. Scomite, Dutto and Pizzantine are considered
shoe-ins for the tag team prize.
Meanwhile Pizzantine has been explaining
to Senators how a fly by night outfit based on Kangaroo Island won a $422m
contract to facilitate torture on one of the island hellholes. It seems they’ve never run anything much up
until now beyond dodgy chook raffles but apparently have taken to the torture
game with great gusto.
Dutto has denied
ever having heard of the Palladium Pistols and has suggested it was all the
idea of Pizzantine, who in turn has suggested the ‘special measures’ under
which the Pistols got the gig were a construct of the junta. Watch this space….
PM Scomite, bursting with excitement
at news of events in the hellholes, has decided to embellish the lily with the
launch of ‘Married at First Sight’ to the Pacific Islands. In a move to counter China’s rapid excursions
into the collective consciousness of new members of the ‘belts and roads’ society
Australian reality TV is the obvious platform.
MKR and the Block are part of a package deal to ensure Australians are
forever seen as juvenile wannabes with short attention spans and a limited
grasp of the institution of marriage. The
Junta has high hopes for the strategy as it largely reflects the ideals of its
members.
