Installment 1(i) c

As voters head to the polls in multiple by-elections PM Trumble was caught on camera threatening a senior with re-location to Nauru;  she had the temerity to berate him on cutting penalty rates. Turnbull bellowed, “they don’t have penalty rates there or Newstart you old cow, just penalties without any hope of a new start…blame Bill!”

Spud Dutto doubled down on his warning that a vote for Labor was a vote for a “darkie ascendancy” that will be difficult to contain without the use of “citizen tests”.  The tests purportedly will include chugging 2 litres of beer whilst bouncing a footy and reciting the 2^nd verse of Advance Australia Nowhere.

Able Scomite and Saturnalia Rash have not been sighted on the campaign trail as public disquiet at their unscripted pronouncements on seniors’ compulsory euthanasia and bonking political staffers reached the ears of PM Trumble.  He wants pronouncements on the hustings limited to “jobs and growth” and “kill Bill”.

Breaking World News (summary)

The daughter of Grabber-in-Chief will cancel her line of fashion accessories.  “I can’t get the slave labour anymore”, she complained, “and Daddy’s brand is about as popular as genital warts”.

Imranalot Fizz has claimed victory in his country’s ‘Voice’ competition amidst howls of dissent from supporters of the other contestants, who claimed their mikes had been turned off and the band struck up a military waltz when it was their turn to sing.

The President of Nauru has given in to pressure and announced the island will be open to scrutiny by remote drone and trained seagulls…