Under the Bus - Richard Knibbler reporting

Ladies and gentleman, for your entertainment we bring you the inaugural interview from Richard Knibbler, intrepid reporter for THE OTHER NEWS YESTERDAY in the first of a new series breaking open the surface crust to peer under and to see what is really there....

Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iv) b

 

PM Scomite’s rerun of ‘carry on up the Khyber’ on a bus has been a huge hit with punters.  Polls for the junta are languishing in something akin to Dante's fifth circle of hell, but heading for the seventh at the first opportunity punters get to express love for their leader.   

Not unlike Gunga Din, he’s been on a roll, blaming a mad act of violence on the Islamic faith, cutting funding for food banks in half because who needs food when you’ve got happy clapping, and exporting Bachelor Australia and Housewives of Melbourne to the Pacific islanders to enrich their culture.  Raptors are struggling to keep up with the pace set by Scomite who appears determined to outfox Bill whatever the cost…watch this space.

The PM has sent the military might of the ADF to Port Moresby to ensure China does not get the jump on us in the ‘whose your bestie’ stakes in guarding APEC.  The combination of bullet proof Maseratis and Special Forces minders is a winning combination and guarantees further decades of soft loan dependency for the PNG people.  “China’s roads may be straighter than ours”, tweeted Scomite, “but we know where all the tracks are going and where the money is laundered”.

In the wake of the junta’s flogging in East Sydney the strategists behind the loss have continued to deny climate exists, to claim kiddies on everyone’s favourite island hellhole have never had it so good, and that welfare recipients must work harder for food stamps.  In a stirring sermon for the crestfallen junta faithful, Scomite bashed the air with “…great days are coming…we believe in a fair go for those who have a go…you don’t rise people up by bringing others down…stand up for what we believe until the bell rings and the bell hasn’t rung…we believe it is every Australian’s duty to make a contribution and not take a contribution…and get up early in the morning”.   

The gathered were so smitten by this ‘sermon at the fount’, rumblings of ‘Lincolnesque’ and ‘Kennedyesque’ were heard everywhere, whilst a few ragged raptors mumbled they’d never heard anything quite so vacuous…

Breaking world news (summary):

In breaking news Grabber-in-chief decided not to brave the elements in France to celebrate America’s war dead, because of concerns about his coiffure. “I like a good war celebration along with the best of them”, tweeted the Grabber, “but no one knows what happens when the trained mongoose becomes unglued”.

 

In further celebrations of everything warlike and nationalistic the Grabber showed up the next day looking sombre.  But when his bestie - Russian Supremo Vlad Wolfbrat - showed up the Grabber was as happy as his younger self in a Moscow brothel.