Thursday, 18 October 2018
Tuesday, 16 October 2018
Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) h
Across Australia audible sighs of relief
have been heard at the pronouncement, ‘It’s ok to be light pink’! Parties have
broken out spontaneously as people learned the motion moved by Perilous
Pantson, supported by a plucky crew of junta has-beens, failed by three votes in
the Senate. It was a stand out moment in the full spectrum of low lights that
have marked the Parliamentary year.
Veteran raptors can’t remember when the quality of debate in the upper
chamber has reached such depths as to make the low water mark in the loos look
positively brimming.
The KKK and various light pink supremacist groups have
offered their unmitigated congratulations to Pantson and her stalwarts in the
ruling junta. “Wish our Senate guys would grow some kahunas”, tweeted the KKK
honcho, “it must be great to live in a country unashamed of its light pink
heritage…those communists that voted against this should be round up and
deported”.
Meanwhile PM Scomite has thrown his
considerable weight behind relocating Australia’s
embassy in Israel to Jerusalem. This fantastic news is being celebrated in ISIS camps around the planet and will be featured in
recruitment drives to attract young angry sociopaths to the cause.
Other voices are saying “Why the bloody hell
did you?” and “Can we have a bloody election?”, but naysayers have no impact on
the PM who takes his messaging straight from the Grabber-in-Chief’s twitter
account. Indonesia
has indicated the latest trade deal is looking as bleak as the junta’s future…
Breaking World News (summary):
The House of Saud has acknowledged
that a journalist being turned slowly on a roasting spit in Riyadh was turned once too often. Authorities are insisting it was a case of
mistaken identity as said journalist was mistaken for a goat that wandered in
off the street in Istanbul.
The Grabber has shared his concerns
over the unfortunate murder of a US citizen by what appears to be rogue
roasters. “We try to get targeted roasts
right in our part of the world”, tweeted the Grabber, ‘but I can understand how
you can get it wrong when everyone’s wearing a sheet”.
Monday, 15 October 2018
Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) g
PM Scomite has thrown off any
pretence after his recent national prayer tour that he’s actually a nice guy. Reverting to type he’s called for poor people
to be indentured to farmers for life, benighted souls on everyone’s favourite
hell holes to be left there interminably without medical assistance or hope,
and gay teachers to be consigned to a living hell, equivalent to being strapped
to a loudspeaker at a Hillsong event.
As
the East Sydney quest for a new Emir
approaches its denouement all the signs are pointing south for the junta, but
several trough divers close to the PM are suggesting a move north.
In exciting news the country rump of
the junta has revealed its youth wing has been out partying with bare knuckle
fights, nude wrestling warthogs and downing pints whilst singing the Horst Wessel
song backwards. It’s been a revelation
to many that young rural folk are demonstrating such a learned grasp of twentieth
century political history, and a determination to put things right on several
fronts including the national salute, why Eichmann was tried for managing camps
that didn’t exist and what to do about all those pesky Jews.
Good ole boys from the back blocks have
always had a hankering for a return to the days of the ‘League’ and the fine
tactic of ‘entryism’ to get rid of the burden of voting, multiple parties and democracy
itself. Watch this space…
Breaking World News (summary):
In breaking news Grabber-in-Chief
says no oil well will be left untapped in the search for the missing Saudi
journalist thought to be turning slowly on a roasting spit in Riyadh.
The search is relentless as Saudi officials can no longer expect
courtesy mints on their pillow in Grabber hotels.
In other news Prince Waldemoat and his
new missus are pregnant, providing the British public with another free loader
for life. The Australian public are past
excitement into a whole new realm of virtual Royals watching 24/7. The sponsors are ecstatic…
China is putting its footballers through their paces at special ops
training camps; in case something untoward breaks out while they're playing
offshore. “It’s to enhance their
commitment to world peace”, explained a spokesperson, “in case of a red card
they’ll know what to do”.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)