Other News Yesterday - Installment 3(i) Special Hustings edition

 

As the election bash up reaches fever pitch burghers have been sighted running for the exits and voting early.  PM Scomite rolls from one BBQ to the next, kicking babies and petting balls at every opportunity.  Raptors report suffering heartburn watching the spectacle of a leader spinning furiously in the vain hope that whatever vipers are pursuing him won’t get their fangs in.   

As Junta heavyweights contact Canberra property vendors and a paper shredders job lot makes its way to Junta offices, the burghers wait impatiently for the furore to desist; circus masks stowed, touring buses returned to depot, posters burned and chopping blocks ready.

The intensity of community feeling generated by a series of stellar candidates forced to ritually disembowel in public has been an attractive supplement to the daily round of hate speech and targeted abuse.  Raptors have had to interrupt there constant screaming at disingenuous answers from our nation’s competing dissemblers to gasp at the naked display of entrails revealed by a series of One Country and Junta wannabees.  

The work of Reeve ‘Smoking Aces’ Dicksup in snipping off the lower intestine as be bowed out in abject disgrace was a thing to behold and one for the kiddies.

 

Notorious gannet and electoral recidivist Clive of Toad Castle has spent a fortune telling the punters that only his particular brand of cane toad oil will cure self-inflicted dropsy, and that his elevation to power will guarantee water shedding and coal loading forever.  The punters are enlivened by the prospect of returning Clive to a large sump on the edge of an old coal pit so he can see out his days in perfect harmony with his surrounds.

In a reprise of old news, and as the country waits for collective relief and the sound of a large gun ending the hustings stakes, human rights stalwart Senator Taser Gunning started his own party.  Everyone was invited along to sing the Horst Wessel song whilst practicing dismantling and assembling automatic rifles blindfolded.  The party was set to go for a week by which time authorities acted to close the whole show down on national security grounds.