Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) l

 

Government MPs have regaled raptors today with a stirring rendition of “we’re the coal miners” sung to the music of “we are the children”.  It was a lovely gesture toward those worried the NEG will put a damper on the 20 new coal fired power stations promised by Minister Friedalot.  Unconvinced and dressed in hard hats, Tone Rabbott and Barnabbas Joust told anyone prepared to listen, “we will get out of Paris, we will control what happens and the circumstances under which it happens”.  Joust went further, “…people in the Kmart, people in the local pub, they don't care about Paris …they speak French, make love with their faces and eat snails…it means nothing to them, it has no purpose”.

Amidst reports National Aussie Brokerage has been rorting any and every person naive enough to darken their doorstep, a massive class action is under way that could send the company back to basking on the street for silver coins. Senior Counsel for the Royal Commission into Grand Grift accused the chief PR officer Drew Dagger of both short and long grift:  “Would you agree that your fee-for-service regime was frequently operated on a robo-collect basis?”  Dagger replied, “Customers tend to know whether service has been provided or not”.  “Not if they’re dead”, retorted Counsel.

Breaking World News (summary):

The five countries bordering the Caspian Sea have met to divide the spoils.  Russian Supremo Vlad Wolfbrat welcomed the decision to give his country control over all oil, gas and caviar resources while the others could divide the seaweed and water snails between them. “This is why we have so many nuclear armed warships”, Wolfbrat told gathered raptors,”…to ensure negotiations run smoothly and on time”.

Neo-Nazis marching in Washington in support of a rerun of WW2 have been outnumbered 100-1 by angry ‘snowflakes’. Police formed a cordon around the white supremacists to protect them from being handed a history lesson. The Grabber tweeted “winners are grinners”.

Ex White House lineswoman Omaha Manigilt Menew has recounted harrowing days as a running back for the Grabber’s vaudeville show.  “I would be blocked at every turn by slurs and innuendo”, complained Menew, “…all of which I recorded for posterity and fund raising”.