Other News Yesterday - Installment 2(ii) Special "Votes for boats" edition

 

 

PM Scomite is excited at news his Christmas Island gulag reopening strategy has been greeted in people smuggling circles with unabashed glee.   

The detention centre led recovery is being heralded in all quarters as a masterful stroke of political genius, alongside flying on a bus trip, featuring lumps of coal as the country descends into climate chaos, and, best of all, blaming the climate on the weather.   

All in all it has been a stellar conglomeration of ‘events’, ‘strategies’ and startling ‘declarations’ that have marked Scomite’s unique leadership of the junta, as he charts a course through unnavigable flood plains and fire prone wilderness over what just about everyone agrees will be a dismal cliff of electoral misfortune.   

As the country limps out of fire ravaged and flood pillaged landscapes, the image of a leader brandishing a lump of coal and raving about ‘on water’ matters is the electoral equivalent of announcing feral pigs are the solution to bank misbehaviour.   Counsellors are on standby for political staffers trying to make the best of a grim outlook….

As the Parliament limps toward the end of its first week of actually doing what the taxpayers pay it to do the augurs for junta success are decidedly jaundiced.  It can’t win a vote, it can’t close the gap, it can’t find its toothbrush and economic girly persons are running amok in both houses.   

Reports of rampant sexual flagrancy and unwanted attentions to public servants, staffers and anyone misfortunate enough to come within cooee of certain members after they’ve had a few continue to ‘fall’ into the hands of waiting raptors, who love a good tale of sexual flagrancy on the part of our elected representatives.  Even Perilous Pantson has been accused of untoward groping, which has startled the chooks and sent several crows flying backwards…

The disturbing sight of the PM flailing his arms furiously and threatening all kinds of dire consequences to those responsible for the imagined flotillas of boats setting sail for Christmas Island has the whole nation on edge.   

Shrill outcries of ‘on water matters’ and ‘armadas of boat people’ litter Scomite’s working day, which has some observers pondering the mental stability of the junta leader.  References to Dr Strangelove and ‘don’t mention the vote’ abound as staffers do their best to quieten their boss with gentle shopping centre muzak and little jingles about where the bloody hell are you and whether you’re 100% pure.  Watch this space…