Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) f

In breaking news the Sydney Opera House is to be converted into a visual display of tote betting. Notorious radio jockey Phobia Phones has struck again with a takeover of the Opera House as a venue for all bets racing, including options on the harbour ferry stakes and the very popular luxury liner derby.  NSW Premier Gwen Byalljigsup has likened this initiative to discovering a cure for one hit punching by reducing live music after hours.   

“Public spaces are for everyone”, Byalljigsup told raptors, “and placing bets as you roam the Opera House is a civic right which I’ll defend to the last hurdle”.  Phones has threatened anyone trying to stop this move with a signed copy of his last book and a year’s subscription to his serialized memoir.

Minister for Trough Diving Stewart Prune has acknowledged that paying back a few dollars appropriated to cover his delux internet coverage via NASA satellite is a small price to repay, when some of the other options involve incarceration for grand theft. 

Explaining that his residence is located in a very isolated part of the Gold Coast, largely un-serviced by meter maids, Prune pleaded for understanding and exercised his full right to distract all scrutiny with a year’s supply of KFC. “Nothing to see here”, tweeted Prune, “everything that happens on the Gold Coast stays on the Gold Coast, if you catch my drift”. 

Prune and fellow Gold Coast luminary Spud Dutto have now entered the knockout stage of competition for the virtual TV show ‘lifestyles of the rich and famous’.

PM Scomite continues his national prayer tour with celebrity events in WA this week. Pretending to be a man of the people Scomite kissed footys, threw babies and told everyone within cooee that he had loved a bet, a BBQ and AFL all his life.  The genuineness of the man came shining through as every day he donned a new baseball cap, work safe gear or footy jersey and got down to the business of conning everyone he met. 

Ordinary folk were largely avoided during the visit as they ask difficult questions about the whereabouts of ex-PM Trumble. “How the bloody hell are you?” and “G’day I’m Scomo” was heard repeated everywhere he went, which was mostly to secure facilities managed by the LNP.

Breaking World News (summary):

Grabber-in-Chief and North Korea Honcho Kim Jing-in have called for a re-count by the Nobel Peace Prize committee.  Expectations of a joint prize win have been dashed, and their joint single release has gone to ‘remainder’ status.  The shared love expressed by the two leaders will doubtless get them through this crisis of confidence.

British PM Foxweather May has danced her way into Tory history with a stirring performance of her plucked chook two step whilst singing at the annual conference.  The ‘dancing queen’ was in fine form as she went through her numbers in front of a gasping crowd of admirers.  A few muttered the band was off and the PM had smoked crack, but the love in the air was palpable.

The Grabber’s candidate for court supremo has sailed through Senate hearings with barely a scratch.  The FBI was called in to give Judge Savanah a clean bill of health.  After interviewing his immediate family and his three best friends, they found him   innocent of rapacious activities and so ready to decide the fate of America’s women.  Watch this space….