Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) j

 

PM Trumble and Minister for Energizing Friedalot have welcomed the State’s decision to hold a 2 year moratorium on the NEG.  This will allow time for the LNP party room to be voted out of office and for the Tone Rabbott game show to have gone on the road and been crushed under a semi trailer carting drought relief somewhere between Burke and Kalgoorlie.  The prospect of Rabbott and fellow agnostic Greens’ firebrand Adam Ant forming an alliance to scupper the NEG has been troubling Friedalot to the point where he’s rarely seen in public without a comfort dog.

True believer in shooting girlie men Finance Minister Muster Cormorant has put himself forward for higher office. In the tradition of ninja warrior Australia he’s often seen going through his paces in the old Senate Gardens which he’s had converted for purpose.  Staffers keep a watchful eye on the Senator as he’s prone to let fly at rose bushes whilst screaming in tongues and something about burning Bill Longhop on a longship. 

Amidst rising calls from One Country for foreign aid to be diverted to drought subsidies, Minister for Drought Proudlite has cautioned “be careful what you wish for”. Proudlite reminded farmers' groups that for decades stockpiled grain and rice unable to be sold at market was flogged off at inflated prices for food aid to poor countries at taxpayer expense.  “Until those idiots at the wheat exchange let their double accounting of sales to Iraq fall into the wrong hands everything was sweet”, explained Proudlite, “now the challenge is to tap new subsidy vistas into refugee camps…it’s a veritable goldmine of aid loot”.

Breaking World News (summary):

The Grabber-in-Chief has had his twitter account trolled by Special Counsel Prober. Prober smells blood in the virtual waters of the Grabber’s demented meanderings. The White House meanwhile has put firing squads back on standby. 

In a departure from Grabber policy the parents of Melanie Grabber have won US citizenship on grounds of ‘chain migration’.  African-American groups have reminded the Grabber that their ancestors knew a thing or two about ‘chain migration’ and it should be proscribed at the first opportunity.