Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) q

 

Message crows have been streaming out of the Dutto bunker since dawn, alerting loyal acolytes and a few doubters that Big Julie’s Caesar will have a limited opening tomorrow.   

A select audience is invited and industrial cleaners put on standby.  Despite messages of support from nation leaders close to Trumble, the mood in the PM’s chambers is sour, with the realization that wounds inflicted in yesterday’s rehearsal are festering.  

The Trumble inner circle is considering options, including decamping to warmer climes, crossing the Alps to ambush the Dutto forces from behind or marching to the Queen’s emissary to demand the arrest of traitors.

Various attempts to test the mood of punters have revealed Spud Dutto remains popular with at least 2% of the citizenry, with Burghers showing a tad more interest up to 5%. 

In the event Bill Longhop musters his gallopers into the race augurs have read the entrails of 40 chooks and revealed victory is likely at 30 to one on in a canter.   

The Longhop camp are preparing to rule into the next century after a period of necessary clearances involving an audit of grants to mates of Trumble incorporated and a sweep of all stables. Local knackeries are expecting a bonanza….

Friends of PM Trumble have marched on the Tone Rabbott game show headquarters in search of the founder.  

Leaders of the group carried rope and tackle and a portable gallows to assist Tone meet his maker at noon.  Reports coming in suggest the headquarters were empty and that a cycle stopped by police doing 20k over the speed limit has been impounded. The rider is absconding…

Breaking World News (summary):

 

Services have resumed as melted platforms have been replaced with high tensile steel. 

Close associates of the Grabber-in-Chief found guilty of endless rorts have agreed to waive offers of immunity and testify the Grabber told them to do it.  Special Counsel Prober has arranged hearings to examine affidavits provided by the campaign guys.  The Grabber has tweeted he doesn’t know these people personally but they are great guys made in America.

Rumours China has offered to buy our nearest northern neighbour have been vehemently denied by PM Teeter O’Peal.  “We are selling stuff to China like everyone else”, O’Peal told an interviewer, “it doesn’t mean we have become paid up members of the belts and roads club but anything not bolted down is for sale”.