Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) n

New Senator Taser Gunning and his leader Bob Batter have bunkered down to contemplate life after the ‘final solution’ speech.  In most quarters the speech was greeted like a bout of genital herpes, but a frisson of expectation ran through a loose grouping of large light pink men looking like extras at a remake of ‘De Voortrekkers’ and the Kennedy Maronite chapter of a little known Phalangist old boys alumni.

The latter have offered themselves as a praetorian guard in the event of a ‘new awakening’ and a promise to reprise the Beirut glory days.  ASIO is on full alert monitoring sudden mobilizations in Kennedy of massed covered wagons and bullock trains….

 

On a lighter note Foreign Minister Mashup and Minister for International Hectoring Sonata Caravansari-Fargo have asked  China to stop building roads to nowhere in our neighbourhood.  They have also called for debt relief to be on the agenda at the upcoming PIF on the Papillon 2 movie set.  

A China spokesperson indicated a willingness to forgive debt in exchange for lifelong membership of the ‘belts and roads’ club and a promise of re-training for anyone choosing not to join.  This has been greeted with alarm in the capitals of the indebted nations and a renewed push for all the islands to drift as far away from the South China Sea as possible.  Mashup and Caravansari-Fargo have reminded leaders that PM Trumble’s  “bridges to nowhere” initiative could be a solution.

Breaking World News (summary)

An orchestrated press campaign to shaft Grabber-in-Chief has been condemned by the White House as ‘fake news’.  Editorial platforms across the world, including electronic billboards like Times Square, blasted “GRABBER IS THE ENEMY NOT US”.

Two suspects in the murder of estranged brother of North Korean Honcho Kim Jing-in have denied any involvement. “It was our look-a-like cousins”, pleaded the duo, “…in a reality TV game show involving a noxious nerve agent….you know, the show popular in England”.