Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) i

 

 

The quest for a new Emir of East Sydney has turned rowdy with accusations of bestiality and extra-marital relations with Bibi flying about.  The junta candidate Rave Karma has denied any involvement with rogue roasters, dodgy emails or large balloons featuring the other candidates in lewd acts with sheep.  As Karma’s poll numbers threaten to become subliminal desperate acts of survival can be expected…

 

Deputy PM Mick McNotim is in fierce denial that his predecessor Barnabbas Joust is making a come back.  Joust told raptors that his occasional forays into live performance and late night break dancing nude on the Parliamentary forecourt are not attention seeking but him just letting off steam after another lively Question Time on the backbench.   

Attention deficiency syndrome is suspected and meds have been prescribed, but insiders report Joust has been seen on a beer drip, sharpening large knives in the early hours…crows are on full alert.

Notable scourge of economic girlie men, Senator Muster Cormorant, has been showering himself in glory this week.  Having mustered the troops in a vote to be light pink, he was forced to retreat from the skirmish, rally his confused warriors and thrust forward again, this time denying any knowledge of light pinkedness with a fierce cry of “we shall not be moved from the junta benches anytime soon”.  Staffers have increased his meds and are insisting he rest….

Breaking World News (summary):

 

Grabber-in-Chief has begun yet another twitter war with Randy Manuals over the size and shape of his accoutrements and whether he came before he left and was any conquering done.  White House raptors are enthralled by the erudite and witty analysis of past events and mostly require therapy…

In another stoush the Grabber has suggested the DNA test taken by Senator Florren to establish her Cherokee credentials is a scam and a lie.  The founder of the Obama ‘birther’ movement is scathing in attacks on people he doesn’t like, suggesting he may share DNA heritage with a previous leader who liked American Westerns, Uncle Jo. 

Sticking with the Grabber, he’s now likened reports of a Saudi journalist failing the roasting spit test to recent reports of Judge Savanah’s proclivity for rapacious activities.  Raptors are scratching their heads, drinking more and sleeping less…