Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) s

 

 Raptor favourite and self-confessed news tart Spud Dutto has hung on to his Ministry of Gratuitous Cruelty by a whisker.  Although ‘on water’ matters have taken a bit of a flogging in recent days with new arrivals from the Saigon adventure holiday bureau, Dutto is recovering well from limb loss and a close shave of his nether region.   

 

 

 

A known champion of the dodgy horse race, Dutto is celebrating news that one of his recent bets on a French mare in a nobbled country race came through on the inside.  Stewards and punters are crying foul but an inquiry into dodgy dealings has not dented Dutto’s faith in a system built on graft and mate’s rates.

 

 

New PM Scomite has welcomed new faces to the ruling junta, shuffling a few deck chairs to make space.  Each has been issued with a signed “Jesus Saves” hymn book, a Southern Cross DIY kit and a beginner’s guide book to family trusts.  

 

 “I wake up every day wanting the best for Australian mates”, Scomite told his new acolytes in a rousing call to play, “this is the juice, the Golden Fleece, the dressed lamb leg, the BBQ'd prawn, and a Sharkie’s penalty try….so, where the bloody hell are you?” A deafening response of “here” echoed down the empty corridors since everyone else in the building had gone home.

Breaking World News (summary):

The Grabber-in-Chief has threatened Google with sanctions as nothing but bad news ever comes up when his name is ‘googled’. “This peddler of fake news has to be brought to heal”, tweeted the Grabber, “they have it so rigged I’m this bad guy who builds walls, locks up kiddies, makes fun of the disabled, calls black commentators stupid and hates our allies…what next?”

The Grabber has bowed to the will of the people and recused himself from attending any celebration of the life of maverick Senator Don McCabe.  “Get the flags back up and stop all this hoo haa about that failed pilot”, tweeted the Grabber,”…he never understood the pain of my bone spurs or the risks I took on some of those foreign golf courses”.

The Grabber has terminated all deals with neighbours to the north and south.  “I’ve left the table, I’m out of the game”, tweeted the Grabber, “I’ll write a tweet cause I’m the tweeter, you know my name”.