Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iv) a
PM Scomite got back on the trolley
today to revise his national prayer tour.
Skolling several schooners at each stop, kissing footys and throwing
babies everywhere, wearing different baseball caps in honour of Australian fare,
the PM looks somewhat bewildered and there’s a hint of desperation in the air.
It reminds raptors of a dingo running from a
fire in despair. Kill Bill signs are
expected any moment now but the augurs speak of trouble in the shires and the
polls have never looked more dire.
“We brought the kids from everyone’s
favourite island hellhole”, cried Scomite, “and we did it quietly in the dead
of night…now people are saying we had no choice, the court told us, but the thing is it’s Bill’s
fault and he did it out of spite”. “We reduced
everyone’s welfare and stopped several boats…these are magnificent achievements
that only seem to stop votes”.
“The next
election will be held sometime…if I can find my way home after all this heavy
drinking, late night Skypes and endless drives on the Scomite Express…it’s hard
being the prophet and everyone’s mate…the endless prayer meetings in CWA halls
where it used to be safe to be a dodgy salesman with a special oil and a good rate”.
Turns out young junta members were
plotting a coup…they’ve been practicing bare fisted, wrestling pigs in mud with
a lot of nude drinking late at night.
The Horst Wessel anthem sung backwards has echoed cross the paddocks,
while these jolly young things on their gap year between rural youth league and
full tilt at the junta, were plotting and scheming to put things right,
returning the country to people who know its OK to be WHITE (light pink).
Break world news (summary):
The Grabber-in-Chief has mobilized
the military to head south, manning the borders and mining the rivers. “These unholy criminals will be stopped at
all costs”, tweeted the Grabber, “Republicans must be re-elected to save the country
from invasion, taxes and impeachment”.
The Grabber has renewed attacks on
the enemies of the people, raptors reporting the news and daring to suggest he
lies for a living and is not everyone’s friend.
His ex-colleagues are singing like canaries in a poisoned mine and it
appears a large balloon going up is only a matter of time.
Safety retreats for the miss-informed
in China
are now so large they can be seen from space.
“They are all happy campers
studying the thoughts of the President”, explained a spokesperson, “occasionally
we lose a few trying to pray to a god who doesn’t hear them or care what they
say…but we always show them the way”.
It reminds raptors of a dingo running from a fire in despair. Kill Bill signs are expected any moment now but the augurs speak of trouble in the shires and the polls have never looked more dire.
“We brought the kids from everyone’s favourite island hellhole”, cried Scomite, “and we did it quietly in the dead of night…now people are saying we had no choice, the court told us, but the thing is it’s Bill’s fault and he did it out of spite”. “We reduced everyone’s welfare and stopped several boats…these are magnificent achievements that only seem to stop votes”.
“The next election will be held sometime…if I can find my way home after all this heavy drinking, late night Skypes and endless drives on the Scomite Express…it’s hard being the prophet and everyone’s mate…the endless prayer meetings in CWA halls where it used to be safe to be a dodgy salesman with a special oil and a good rate”.
Turns out young junta members were plotting a coup…they’ve been practicing bare fisted, wrestling pigs in mud with a lot of nude drinking late at night.
The Horst Wessel anthem sung backwards has echoed cross the paddocks, while these jolly young things on their gap year between rural youth league and full tilt at the junta, were plotting and scheming to put things right, returning the country to people who know its OK to be WHITE (light pink).
Break world news (summary):
The Grabber-in-Chief has mobilized the military to head south, manning the borders and mining the rivers. “These unholy criminals will be stopped at all costs”, tweeted the Grabber, “Republicans must be re-elected to save the country from invasion, taxes and impeachment”.
The Grabber has renewed attacks on the enemies of the people, raptors reporting the news and daring to suggest he lies for a living and is not everyone’s friend. His ex-colleagues are singing like canaries in a poisoned mine and it appears a large balloon going up is only a matter of time.
Safety retreats for the miss-informed in China are now so large they can be seen from space.
“They are all happy campers studying the thoughts of the President”, explained a spokesperson, “occasionally we lose a few trying to pray to a god who doesn’t hear them or care what they say…but we always show them the way”.
