Installment 1(i) f
PM Trumble welcomed news that the bottom 20% make as much in
a year as the top 20% make in a fortnight. “Something for them to aspire to”,
purred Trumble, “getting a better job is the way to go in this space, at the
end of the day”.
Treasurer Able Scomite and Minister for Bashing Unions Saturnalia
Rash could barely suppress their excitement over the finding that Australia’s big
companies only pay about 17% tax after deductions, the 4th lowest in
the G20. “Guns, germs and steel”, replied Scomite to no one in particular, “its
how great nations are built”. Rash welcomed reports she has been referred to
the DPP for obscene union bashing. “This is the reason I get up every day”,
countered Rash, “I hate them and they hate me”.
Labor states are getting ready to tell Minister Friedalot to
stick his NEG where the sun don’t shine.
After a lengthy debate on the relative benefits of nuclear waste and the
collected emissions of 25 million cows, Friedalot has calibrated a response to
Labor leaders: “If you don’t want more
coal fired power stations may all your windmills turn into Ents and lay siege to
your ivory towers”. Friedalot was last
seen strapped to an ambulance trolley being loaded in a green van.
PM Fun Sun thanked Foreign Minister Jules Mashup and Minister
for Gratuitous Cruelty Spud Dutto for recent largesse and allowing his family
of cronies to buy up prime real estate in Australia. “With friends like these”,
crowed Fun, “who needs China?”
Breaking World News (summary):
Responding to massive fires in California Grabber-in-Chief blamed ex
Governor Schintillflott for his unremitting attacks on his person and failure
to manage the business of carbon sinks.
After threatening immediate nuclear annihilation of his
country the Grabber now wants a love-in with President Ruemenot. “This is the way great diplomacy has always
worked”, bellowed the Grabber, “line up the missiles and call the play”.
The successful Quota bid for the next football world cup has
been accused of malfeasance on a grand scale, involving lying about the
weather, poisoning the wells of other bidders, and large transfers of dried
dates at various stages of the bidding process.
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