Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iii) c

 

After he cut aged care to the bone PM Able Scomite announced an inquiry into dastardly deeds done dirt cheap to elder folk in every city, town and street.  “It’s a great way to cover our bum”, Scomite told raptors, “we denied there was a problem, denied we cut and run, claimed aged entitlements are welfare, then came out like the rising sun with a sheriff pointing a gun – job done”.   

Spokespersons for the aged have suggested that anything said by Scomite should be comprehensively scorned and that elder folk would be wise to sharpen their pencils for the only poll that can't be ignored.

Fatso Droop is excited by news of his rap song becoming the new Liberal anthem. With lashings of casual sex and dripping with misogyny it’s perfect for Scomite’s push to make the junta more responsive to women. “Who f***ing tonight? Who f***ing tonight?” is now opening junta meetings and all are encouraged to raise their hands and sing-along. 

Women in the junta are so excited at the turn of events some have been seen leaping out Parliamentary windows unaided.  The few that can be found on a sitting day are wondering how to survive the upcoming bloodbath from week to week. Very few are members of the ‘safe seats’ elite and the chances of getting a new Guernsey are looking exceedingly bleak.  The boys are running the show and revel in a good tweet, “Who f***ing tonight, who f***ing tonight”. It seems the guys have the running and all is sweet…

Breaking World News (summary):

The Grabber-in-Chief’s guy for the Supreme Court denies groping any 15 year olds on his rise to power.  “She just doesn’t like me”, tweeted Matt Savanah, “it’s a Roe V Wade thing and I do it for the cause, of keeping women in their place and bowing to our oars”.

China has denied there’s anything to see where 10% of the Uighurs reside.  “A little re-training is good for the soul”, explained a spokesperson, “they should give thanks to the State for making the effort to set them straight on the path to transformation through re-education – its to let them know we care”.