Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(iv) c

 

 

Refreshed from a ‘very cold and deadly silent’ day on the hustings PM Scomite has launched into a new campaign guaranteed to see the junta on the bus to nowhere for at least a decade.  He’s dissing everyone within cooee of his latest prayer bash including the newly minted Emir of East Sydney, kiddies striking to get the climate acknowledged, and of course the burghers of Victoria who have fallen for cultural Marxism and skin crawling policies like better health and education for the hoi polloi.  

 

Meanwhile Minister Spud Dutto is on sick leave in the bunker, apparently nursing an arm he caught in a Labor vote machine trying to remove ballots in one of the rotten boroughs previously thought to be secured by the ‘procurator’ of safe seats.  Sporting an arm cast, against a backdrop of posters warning of the eminent threat of Sudanese crime gangs sweeping north, Dutto shouted he’ll be back “because I’m still the only bastion standing between punters, un-Australian accents and invading Guatemalans”.

 

Less virulent members of the junta are starting to miss ex PM Trumble and to wonder why they supped at the magic cauldron café opened by Spud Dutto and Muster Cormorant out back of Parliament in the days leading up to the long night of the blunt potato peelers.  Regrets and recriminations are flying around junta circles and there’s talk of another coup to clear the air.  Raptors don hard hats when they go in for a backgrounder from front benchers just in case there's a sudden unsheathing of knives and frozen meat pies. 

Consensus around the need for an Elliot Ness style crime commission is tightening around the PM like a Spanish garrotte. As the day looms of an end to the ‘endless summer’ of negative gearing, which has seen six junta members own eighty properties between them, a sense of panic is detectable in the junta corridors, a frisson of anticipation of time to be spent in incarceration.  Honest taxpayers everywhere watch this space…

Breaking World News (summary):

The Grabber-in-Chief has refuted a report from his own agencies and scientists that climate exists. “More raking is what’s needed”, tweeted the Grabber, “"I've seen it, I've read some of it, and it's fine…I don't believe it.”

The Grabber has laughed off any suggestion that America cares about the pathetic attempt at a cover-up of a targeted spit roasting of a journalist by the House of Saud. “These sand jockeys aren’t used to covering up”, tweeted the Grabber, “some people in this country still think the Kennedy killing was an act of God.”

British PM Foxweather May has still not taken holy orders, despite calls for her to cease and desist selling the troubled kingdom down the river to all and sundry across the channel.  She’s just returned from Brussels waving a piece of paper, not unlike a predecessor returning from Munich declaring ‘peace in our time’.