Other News Yesterday - Installment 1(ii) i

Treasurer Scomite has welcomed reports that the private superannuation industry has been scamming customers blind.  “Its good to see some entrepreneurial flair from the industry”, Scomite told guests at a Liberal fund raising dinner, “it’s a valid technique for re-distributing income away from punters to the upper end…a cornerstone of the modern Liberal Party”.

Retiring Australian Public Service Boxing Commissioner Floyd Johnson has launched a stinging attack on his many detractors.  Sparring next to Minister for Union Bashing, Saturnalia Nash, and amidst questions over his close ties with the Institute of Paid Advertising, Johnson accepted a TKO in the fifth.  A strong advocate for a return to indentured labour conditions and bare knuckle fights at lunchtime in the APS, Johnson yelled at raptors, “I’m thoroughly sick of these group thinking nancy boys do-gooding all over the ring…I was just getting my second wind when the ref called off the fight”.  Johnson has now set his eyes on a nice little earner in the Caymans….

Former King’s representative and convenor of the ‘Lovely Altar Boys Alumni’ association, Peter Wigglesworth, has declined to reimburse tax payers for their unsolicited largesse toward him over many years of trough diving. “It’s nothing more than I’m worth” explained Wigglesworth, “grooming like mine doesn’t come cheap and first class travel to exotic destinations broadens one’s horizons”.

 

Breaking World News (summary):

Grabber-in-Chief has refuted suggestions that revelations from the Castlemann trial will damage him politically. “If footage emerged of me buggering woolly llamas”, the Grabber told Fox News, “my base would still trust me to make America big again”.

US Republican congressman Chris Collector has been indicted for trading losses for wins on drug deals.  Looking like they had just come from a Botox party, Collector and his wife fronted raptors to reassure voters that the Grabber is great and he’ll be back for another round of golfing with the stars at the mid-terms.

British PM Foxweather May has rebutted suggestions she is considering holy orders. “This lady is not for the nunnery”, scoffed May, “but I suggest Boris consider a long retreat with the Carthusians…it’ll do him good not to speak for a couple of years and the British public will be ever so grateful”.