Installment 1 (ii) f

It is reported PM Trumble is distraught his ‘drought breaking’ words in Central NSW have changed nothing, been used before and will probably not even rate a T-shirt.  Farmers complain the Federal grants will barely cover a portion of private school fees or a tax deductible down payment on the next John Deere header.  “Teats on a bull are more use than that fella”, a local cockie was heard to grumble.

Sky News have offered to undertake 4,000 hours of community broadcasting to recompense listeners forced to endure Nazi beer songs from recent guest Blare Fester Choptell.  “They can’t stand the heat in my kitchen”, countered Choptell, “my kebabs make you want to swill pints and break dance nude while singing the Horst Wessel Song”.

Grocery chain Woolyperks admits spying on customers playing pokies at their many venues.  A spokesperson agreed the idea was to squeeze every last cent out of those stupid enough to sit in front of an electric light show designed to relieve them of money.  “We get them totally pissed, give them lots of ‘service’ and screw them blind”.  Woolyperks deny any suggestion that this conflicts with their company values.

Breaking World News (summary):

Grabber-in-Chief has welcomed news that Russian Supremo Vlad Wolfbrat has appointed action star and Russian citizen Stompin Seagull as his emissary. “Seagull and his Wolves should give Schintillflott and his Expendables a run for their money at the box office”, tweeted the Grabber, “I’ll pay to see the last action hero standing”.